For the conservatives in Australian politics and their voters, it must be one hell of a confusing time. Who do they believe?
Malcolm Turnbull? Definitely not. Do not let a man of principle (and large ego) stand up for anything. In fact, its better to have no policy than one that sounds like the government's; because we all know the point of opposition is to oppose anything that the government puts up. I'm looking forward to the Government opposing the ACT's new push to recognise Same-sex marriage. Oh, and he's a republican!
The Queen? Torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool? Yes, the Coalition is powering down a road that puts them squarely at odds with the QE2. How bitter sweet would it be for the Liberals to have to choose between a POLICY on climate change or a REPUBLIC. What a dilemma? What would a Liberal voter vote for? Maybe they should move to Saudi Arabia where they get the best of both worlds - a country that churns up fossil fuels like there's no tomorrow AND an autocratic monarchy!! What more could you ask for!
Penny Wong? Now, here is not only a test of a conservative's ability to emu-late an ostrich, but as I have observed, they pass witty comments in online forums like "Penny - I am not - Wong" on an ETS. Wow! Did they think that all up on their own? So, not only do they become masters of genuflection but clearly the White Australia Policy is still in force in their brains and an attack on the climate change minister is a thinly veiled racial slur! BRAVO!!! This helps allay some of their confusion, but not which decade they are living in.
The Hadley Centre? The UK's foremost climate change research centre. Tony Abbott, in an interview on Lateline with Tony Jones on 19 Nov 09, said this: "No, I don't claim to have immersed myself deeply in all of these documents. I'm a politician. I have to rely on briefings - I have to rely on what I pick up through the secondary sources." With one of the most significant issues of our generation, possibly ever to impact the planet, the now Leader of the Opposition chooses to rely on secondary sources to form his view about climate change. And you would stake your future on this?
Malcolm Turnbull? Definitely not. Do not let a man of principle (and large ego) stand up for anything. In fact, its better to have no policy than one that sounds like the government's; because we all know the point of opposition is to oppose anything that the government puts up. I'm looking forward to the Government opposing the ACT's new push to recognise Same-sex marriage. Oh, and he's a republican!
The Queen? Torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool? Yes, the Coalition is powering down a road that puts them squarely at odds with the QE2. How bitter sweet would it be for the Liberals to have to choose between a POLICY on climate change or a REPUBLIC. What a dilemma? What would a Liberal voter vote for? Maybe they should move to Saudi Arabia where they get the best of both worlds - a country that churns up fossil fuels like there's no tomorrow AND an autocratic monarchy!! What more could you ask for!
Penny Wong? Now, here is not only a test of a conservative's ability to emu-late an ostrich, but as I have observed, they pass witty comments in online forums like "Penny - I am not - Wong" on an ETS. Wow! Did they think that all up on their own? So, not only do they become masters of genuflection but clearly the White Australia Policy is still in force in their brains and an attack on the climate change minister is a thinly veiled racial slur! BRAVO!!! This helps allay some of their confusion, but not which decade they are living in.
The Hadley Centre? The UK's foremost climate change research centre. Tony Abbott, in an interview on Lateline with Tony Jones on 19 Nov 09, said this: "No, I don't claim to have immersed myself deeply in all of these documents. I'm a politician. I have to rely on briefings - I have to rely on what I pick up through the secondary sources." With one of the most significant issues of our generation, possibly ever to impact the planet, the now Leader of the Opposition chooses to rely on secondary sources to form his view about climate change. And you would stake your future on this?
The ABC? Well, this one's easy. All ABC journalists are left wing conspirators! Like Mark Colvin, for example, whose great uncle Stanley Bruce wore spats. Hurrah! Yes, let's accuse the ABC of bias when they say anything that we don't agree with. Because unlike cliimate science, its difficult to cherry pick a journalist's work when it seeks to unearth a simple truth.
Nick Minchin? This is easy and helps avoid any confusion over climate change. To avoid any cognitive dissonance, just recite these statements each night at prayer time
1. "For 10 years the left internationally have been very successful in exploiting peoples' innate fears about global warming and climate change to achieve their political ends." (But we don't. The Children overboard affair was not about that at all.)
2. "If the question is, do people believe or not believe that human beings are causing, are the main cause of the planet warming, then I'd say a majority don't accept that position." Like God.
3. "People won't listen to politicians necessarily; we don't have the credibility I guess." Oh no, scratch number 3….it leads to confusion.
Barnaby Joyce? The confusion here seems to be with understanding what the meaning of the word "no" is. "And you can go to Copenhagen, you can go to Disneyland, you can go wherever you like but the position of the National Party on this will be quite clear, to understand the word no."
Kevin Rudd? Also definitely not. Kevin is the Prime Minister of the Government and a member of the Australian Labor Party, which means he is the enemy, regardless of what he says. In fact everything he says is suspect and must be treated as left wing conspiracy. It was very confusing for conservatives to see politicans working together on a policy and negotiating the policy so as to be more representative for all Australians. Much better to oppose it, because that's what we simply must do. That Kevin is a nasty little man with beady little eyes and pigeon toes, and clearly on those grounds he can't be trusted with the future of his own footsteps let alone the future of the planet.
Where does that leave a conservative in these trying times?
MARGARET THATCHER!
Yes! From the doyenne of tory spiritual fulfillment comes this from the Baroness in 1990!
"The IPCC tells us that, on present trends, the earth will warm up faster than at any time since the last ice age. Weather patterns could change so that what is now wet would become dry, and what is now dry would become wet. Rising seas could threaten the livelihood of that substantial part of the world's population which lives on or near coasts. The character and behaviour of plants would change, some for the better, some for worse. Some species of animals and plants would migrate to different zones or disappear for ever. Forests would die or move. And deserts would advance as green fields retreated. "
So I can see how a conservative voter is just plan flummoxed right now, but they must be very happy with Tony Abbott, because they now have a leader who stakes all his beliefs on a simple concept; faith. His faith in God is what sets him apart and makes him a true moral barometer for our age. He helps us avoid the confusion that comes when overwhelming evidence is lined up against the bible so we can sleep easily at night knowing that all those left wing scientists just don't get it! The earth is 6000 years old and God will hold us in his hands! Why would he send climate change to ruin us all?
I know! All those sinners!
The bloody homosexuals caused climate change. Them and their dirty stinking sexual depravity! That's why god has sent climate change! We're all gonna die because of poofters!
TONY ABBOTT? "Ladies & gentleman, I would like to make an announcement. The Liberal - National Party Coalition has formulated its policy on climate change. We believe, and the evidence from the bible shows this to be the absolute truth, that homosexuals are the real cause of climate change. Therefore, at the next election, we the Liberal - National Party pledge to eradicate all homosexuals. We will do this by underatking something I have always been opposed to: Stem Cell research. This will enable us to identify all homosexuals alive and those that get conceived in the womb. This leads me to another personal crisis , but one that I know will save the planet: allowing women with gay babies to abort. But in the face of being able to get rid of the obvious scourge of our planet, I must make these exceptions and change my mind about what I had held firm on previously. It's a tough job politics and its tougher when you have to make the tough choices. But we believe this is the right choice and working families will be better off because of it. Thank you."
REPORTER: "Mr Abbott, does this mean that you now believe that climate change is man made?"
TONY ABBOTT: "Look, let's get this quite clear: gay man made, ok?"
Now I can sleep easy. I have someone to blame.
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